Rose

 

“No,” I said, looking at Rose, not at her. I held a flower in my hand, a red rose.

“Rose,”

I called to her again. She smiled at the sea without looking at me.

“I know you can hear me, baby,” I cried.

“And I can see you,” she said.

“You didn't look at me,” I replied. 

She was smiling. She waved her hand without turning back or looking at me.

I sat there on the grass mat instead of going closer to her, facing her back.

“Why are you not coming here?” she asked.

“Like, if you can see me without looking at me, I can feel you without getting close to you.”

“You are late now.” She is still smiling at the sea.

“You have changed, it seems,” her voice changed suddenly.

“No,” I said, looking at Rose, not at her. I held a flower in my hand, a red rose.

“Are you crying?” I asked.

“No.” 

But she is crying.

“I am not going to let you cry anymore. I need to keep you happy, as I told you. As I promised.”

“Yes, I know.”

Still, she didn't look at me.

I stood up and stepped towards her slowly. Leaned over her shoulder, placed the rose in her hand that I used to kiss every minute spent with her. I kissed her neck once and turned back without saying a single word.

The most difficult thing to understand in my life is human bonds. I have never grasped that overthinking and over caring are not the right ways to build a good relationship between two individuals. These matters make me lose control and directly affect the other party, leaving black patches in the human mind that cannot be easily recolored.

It took me only five minutes, just before leaving her, to grasp this small but delicate point as I looked at her without getting close. Looking at her in the distance, I can hold my love forever in my heart without negatively interfering with her life or lifestyle. Because I am not ready to follow the fact I realized just a few minutes ago.

Anyway, the one thing I realized is that I can no longer lay upon her warm breast, the most loved and blessed thing on this earth. I am not deserving of it anymore.